I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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