If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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