thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
