I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
