I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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