My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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