What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
