Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
