She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
