when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
