WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
