you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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