i permit you to call me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
