we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
