Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your cock deserves a montage
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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