dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
