This is not my ceiling
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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