i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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