Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your penis caused this!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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