the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
