im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
