i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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