I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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