You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
