Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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