Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
