thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
