You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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