So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
