I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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