I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
