My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
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she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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