You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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