i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
