I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
