Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
