it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
