Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
