Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
