I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
