4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
