it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
