so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
