Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
