is your mom at the bar?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
