Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
