I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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