I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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