Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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