New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
