Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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