Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
there is glitter all over my balls
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
