you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
