Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
