i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
