I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
