Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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