i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
