Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
