okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
