I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
