before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
