just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
