Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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