I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
