he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
