we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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