Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
