How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I AM VODKA MAN
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
