i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
