we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize