yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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