How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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