Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
