It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The air was thick with penises
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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