I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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