They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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