I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
