Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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